Marriage frequently makes me think about the differences between men and women, specifically between my husband and me. And by frequently I mean — When I’m staring at him in amazement and thinking, “What is the color of the sky in your world?” Since I’m on Twitter (join me at http://twitter.com/christinadodd) I wrote up a series of Tweets about: THE WAYS THE DH AND I DIFFER
Ways DH & I differ-He complains the way military men salute in movies. I announce foreshadowing. We're most annoying couple in the theater. Ways DH & I differ-I sing actual lyrics to the songs (badly, he tells me.) He sings the lyrics he makes up. They're usually lewd. Ways DH & I differ-I like Terra taro chips & he doesn't. No big deal since we can't get them here...So Dh found & ordered me a case. Ways DH & I differ-When I ask, "Honey, will you get the breasts out for dinner?" he grins &... Well, some differences are good. Ways DH & I differ-He thinks WTF stands for World Trade Federation. I think we should let him. Ways DH & I differ-I can never find my purse. He always can, & always asks, "What'll you give me?" "Whatever you want, honey." Ways DH & I differ-When company is coming, I look around & see there's dog hair on the couch, the kitchen cleaned & dinner prepped. Ways DH & I differ-He looks around & sees the house looks great & knows dinner cooks itself. So he turns on football. Ways DH & I differ-When eating in restaurant, I like a taste of everything. He wants to eat his own meal. Ways DH & I differ-He loves 2 talk. He talks 2 anyone. Everyone likes him. Me...I talk when driven by need. 4 sustenance, usually. Ways DH & I differ-He will do *anything* (write Xmas cards, wash my car, even apologize) to avoid Discussing Our Relationship. Ways DH & I differ-I will do *almost* anything to avoid Discussing Our Relationship. Ways DH & I differ-He believes he, & only he, can correctly load the dishwasher. I'm fine w him believing that. Ways DH & I differ-When he's mad, he mutters. When I'm mad, I snap. Ways DH & I differ-He fondly remembers the cheap mustard colored lamps we bought early in our marriage. I Do Not. Ways DH & I differ-He can't remember people's names. He can remember dogs' names. Me...I can't remember *any* names. Not even my characters'. Ways DH & I differ-He'll say he's seen a movie when actually he flips channels so all he sees is bits & pieces of it. Ways DH & I differ-I *watch* a movie. Or I don't. But I don't flip. Ways DH & I differ-He doesn't understand why I need three purses to go on vacation. I've got the large purse with many pockets for my carry-on, my black purse for my black purse, & my sm. red patent purse because... ...Every time a woman sees it she says, "THAT IS THE BEST PURSE EVER!" Ways DH & I differ-I cry over touching stories, truth or fiction. He looks alarmed & worried when I do. Ways DH & I differ-He's handy, can fix anything, design anything, figure anything out. I...can't. I can cook. & I can write. Ways DH & I differ-He thinks we should open the windows when it's 60. I think 60 is cold. Ways DH & I differ-He likes the basement, it's his man-cave. I want light & height. Ways DH & I differ-He thinks "Exactimundo!" is an Italian word. I think using foreign words in conversation is *tres* silly. Ways DH & I differ-He'll wear his favorite t-shirts for *years,* until they have teensy tinsy holes all over. I shop! @Nordstrom Sad conclusion drawn from differences between DH & me. This marriage cannot last. But truth-we've been married since the earth's crust cooled. Check back occasionally — THE WAYS THE DH AND I DIFFER is an ever-growing list.
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Ways DH & I differ-He does animal voices, dialogue for cows in pastures or dogs hanging heads out of cars. I, er, don't.
