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Christina Dodd confesses THE 10 REASONS AUTHORS ARE WEIRD
- We talk to our computers, our dogs, our cats and our fictional characters. We’re not so good with real people.
- The opportunity to use funny-sounding words thrills us. Words like akimbo, catawampus, gobsmacked.
- When someone says something witty or wise, we remember and someday it will reappear in a manuscript.
- Authors collect names: people names, place names, dog names, cat names.
- When we watch movies, we yell out things like, “Turning point!” “Character arc!” and “Foreshadowing!” Addendum: No one likes to watch movies with an author.
- We embarrass our children by analyzing sex scenes for emotional development and rate them per how they tip the scales of passion.
- Wait staff routinely eavesdrop as we plot murder, clearly wondering if they should alert law enforcement.
- We talk to ourselves while alone in the car, performing both sides of a conversation. When we see someone staring at us, we pretend we’re on the cell phone. No one is fooled.
- Online, authors ask for help with questions like, “If a woman was going to hang herself in an old one-story house, how would she do it?” See #7: Alerting law enforcement.
- Deadline is frequently a literal event involving feverish activity, sleeplessness, hallucinations, lack of grooming, irregular eating habits, and prayer. Lots of prayer.
- Authors use up all our daily allotted nouns writing and say stuff like, “Get the thingie out of the whatzit.” Addendum: Our family comprehends and one of them gets the cheese grater out of drawer.
- Cool office bookshelves with hidden storage are more important than caffeine, wine or chocolate.
- Authors can’t count to ten.