With the joyous day fast approaching, many among the houses of Montague, Capulet, and the endlessly gossiping gentry have found themselves sorely vexed with one pressing question:
“What in heaven’s name doth one purchase for a princely couple already possessed of titles, vineyards, and improbably good hair?”
Thus, for the convenience of all loyal subjects, cousins thrice removed, and opportunistic gift-bearers, a wedding registry hath been prepared in anticipation of the blessed celebration.
- Sword polish for inevitable family disputes
- One raven trained exclusively for gossip
- A cradle, given the alarming fertility of the Montagues
- Poison-free goblets, guaranteed
- A lifetime supply of apology sonnets
What do you intend to gift? (For how many ornamental candlesticks does one couple need?)
(Please no re-gifting of Aunt Samaritana’s wedding bowl that resembles a giant glossy cow’s udder.) (Mamma, I am looking at you.)
Watch this exciting trailer for TEACH THE TORCHES TO BURN!
