August 14, 2020
You’ll laugh. At least, I did!
In the book I’m currently writing, a medieval re-enactor had to cancel because his jousting saddle had given him hemorrhoids. I couldn’t spell hemorrhoids (quick! Close your eyes! Can you?) so I Googled it. Which in turn led to an attack of online ads for hemorrhoid creams, hemorrhoid pillows, magic spells to rid me of hemorrhoids…
I posted on FaceBook and asked, “What subject have you Googled lately that caused ad-haunting?” Then I spent far too much time reading the clever, hysterical responses. From my dear, funny readers:
“I do Medicare Part D (prescription insurance) counseling, and sometimes we google meds when a client doesn’t know what the meds treat. So some data analyst thinks I have every disease and chronic condition known to mankind, which means I get lots of medical and medicine ads! They think I’m an insomniac manic depressive diabetic high blood pressure low bone density incontinent constipated menopausal high anxiety chronic pain sufferer….”
“I have a echo dot thingie in my kitchen and it flashes light randomly so I suspect it’s a Russian spy double agent.”
“I used to live in a town called Milford. I recently was googling a pizza place in Milford I used to go to. Well, I was doing it on my phone so the buttons are all small and I googled pizza MILF because I pressed the search button too early.” (Me: I’m trying not to imagine the ads she’s seeing.)
“Googled Zodiac symbols. Now I have predictions for my future well into 2025!”
(Me: “Madame Christina predicts none of the predictions will come true.”)
“My friend was looking for gag swag for a bridal shower, so she has penises popping up in her feed constantly. (At least that was her excuse!)”
(Me: “Popping up?” )
Enough of the hilarity. We need to get serious! No, really. Now! We’ve got multiple sales on your favorite books, an interview for you to enjoy, and a new recipe for you to make. This is graphic letter, so you’ll be clicking links in no time and then back to your favorite summer activities!
Three Cape Charade
Short Stories in Audio
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SCENT OF DARKNESS:
Book 1 Darkness Chosen.
DEAD GIRL RUNNING
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Jayne Ann Krentz confesses:
Her secret identities!
Her bestselling novels!
Her :cough: dust bunnies!
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à la Susan Sizemore
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In the next letter, I promise to bring you up-to-date on The Husband’s summer project. As you would suspect, it involves lifting stones, cutting stones, setting stones and his beloved cement mixer. He does not know how to do anything on a small scale. (You can review his former projects: Treehouse, Stone Circle, lavender.)
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Remember that every flower that ever bloomed had to go through a whole lot of dirt to get there.